Author Beth Thyme
This is one of those things that I would say to myself, “Wow, why didn’t I know this earlier!” Let me give you some background. I have 2 boys, age 4 and 6. Like me and my husband (imagine that) they are very strong willed little boys. They give new meaning to the word “assertive.” And overall, that is a good thing. I hope that they can keep that same strong spirit when they hit the teen and adult years. After all, I would like to hope the future holds them not getting walked on by others.
So, how, as a mother, do I get what I want and they also get what they want, without doing major battle? (There were many battles happening before I learned about this tool). I had been led to believe in the drill sergeant parenting style. I SAY, YOU DO! But for boys that are a lot like me, they believe the same I SAY, YOU DO MOMMY! This is where the POWER OF CHOICE works.
When you give children a choice, it allows them to keep their power. They get to choose, they feel in control. A feeling that everyone (young and old) tend to enjoy. When you as the adult choose the 2 choices, you get to be in control of the outcome. Let me give you an example.
You need to stop for lunch at a fast food restaurant. Your child has cup in hand and is headed to the drink station. He or she reaches for the most syrupy and caffeinated pop in the bunch. This is where you come in. You say “no, not that one.” You prepare for the battle. Instead try, “You can not have that one, it is not healthy.” “However, you can have a choice between the lemonade and water.” Sounds like it won’t work, right? I encourage you try it. Children, once presented with 2 choices, get exited that they get to choose and will focus on that instead.
The key is that you lay out TWO CHOICES ONLY, THAT YOU AS A PARENT CAN LIVE WITH EITHER ONE THE CHILD CHOOSES. I often see adults allowing children to make their own choices and then berating the child for picking the “wrong” thing. YOU TAKE CONTROL of that part. YOU ARE THE ADULT and you have the knowledge about what the better choices are. YOU WIN, THE CHILD WINS, EVERY TIME!
The beauty of this is that children grow up to believe that they can make good choices. This is especially when they hit the teen years and you are not there to supervise those choices. That choice one day may be, get in the car with friend who is going to drive drunk or call mom and have her pick me up. Yes, it could be life of death for your child to learn how to make the right choice.
Finally, don’t forget to praise your child for making those good choices. Something like, “I knew you would make such a great choice,” is a great one. Happy parenting!
The opinions in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any physical or mental condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255, or Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099