Choices for Strong Willed Children.

Author Beth Thyme

 This is one of those things that I would say to myself, “Wow, why didn’t I know this earlier!” Let me give you some background. I have 2 boys, age 4 and 6. Like me and my husband (imagine that) they are very strong willed little boys. They give new meaning to the word “assertive.” And overall, that is a good thing. I hope that they can keep that same strong spirit when they hit the teen and adult years. After all, I would like to hope the future holds them not getting walked on by others.

So, how, as a mother, do I get what I want and they also get what they want, without doing major battle? (There were many battles happening before I learned about this tool). I had been led to believe in the drill sergeant parenting style. I SAY, YOU DO! But for boys that are a lot like me, they believe the same I SAY, YOU DO MOMMY! This is where the POWER OF CHOICE works.

When you give children a choice, it allows them to keep their power. They get to choose, they feel in control. A feeling that everyone (young and old) tend to enjoy. When you as the adult choose the 2 choices, you get to be in control of the outcome. Let me give you an example.

You need to stop for lunch at a fast food restaurant. Your child has cup in hand and is headed to the drink station. He or she reaches for the most syrupy and caffeinated pop in the bunch. This is where you come in. You say “no, not that one.” You prepare for the battle. Instead try, “You can not have that one, it is not healthy.” “However, you can have a choice between the lemonade and water.” Sounds like it won’t work, right? I encourage you try it. Children, once presented with 2 choices, get exited that they get to choose and will focus on that instead.

The key is that you lay out TWO CHOICES ONLY, THAT YOU AS A PARENT CAN LIVE WITH EITHER ONE THE CHILD CHOOSES. I often see adults allowing children to make their own choices and then berating the child for picking the “wrong” thing. YOU TAKE CONTROL of that part. YOU ARE THE ADULT and you have the knowledge about what the better choices are. YOU WIN, THE CHILD WINS, EVERY TIME!

 The beauty of this is that children grow up to believe that they can make good choices. This is especially when they hit the teen years and you are not there to supervise those choices. That choice one day may be, get in the car with friend who is going to drive drunk or call mom and have her pick me up. Yes, it could be life of death for your child to learn how to make the right choice.

Finally, don’t forget to praise your child for making those good choices. Something like, “I knew you would make such a great choice,” is a great one. Happy parenting!

The opinions in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any physical or mental condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255, or Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099

The Science of Cursing

Author: Lynda Benigno

Profanity is looked upon by a vast majority of the population as vulgar; the paradox is profanity is regularly used, and those four-letter words only pack power because we have made them powerful through labeling.

A study in 2009 showed multiple benefits of swearing. Participants of the study were divided up with one group receiving a list of neutral words and the other receiving a list of profane words. Participants submerged their hands in ice water for as long as they could while repeating a word from their list. Those who used swear words kept their hands in the ice water 50% longer than those who used neutral words. The study showed swearing increases pain tolerance, and participants who used swear words reported lower pain levels. Swearing stimulates the sympathetic nervous system, boosting adrenaline and heart rate, causing a stress-induced analgesia response.

There is a myth that those who use profanity lack sufficient vocabulary or are not intelligent, but the opposite appears to be true. Those who are fluent in language have an uptick in the use of profanity. A 2017 study found those who swore were perceived as more honest by onlookers. It is thought truth-tellers get to the point quickly and are not using a filter when speaking, and they do not require the extra time or brainpower to lie. Swearing is also an effective means to convey the emotions behind what you are communicating. Swearing has a few health benefits, the use of profanity elevates endorphins and increases circulation in the body, creating a sense of calm.

Although our vocabulary is expected to be positive and sanitized, using a four-letter word to vocalize whatever it is you are feeling can be just what you need.

The opinions in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any physical or mental condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255, or Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099

Listen To Your Inner Dialogue When Making Decisions.

Author: Lynda Benigno

 The average adult makes 35,000 decisions each day. From the moment you get up in the morning, you make strategic choices, each with its own set of consequences. Some decisions are minute and have minimal impact on your life. When you wake, do you want to have your coffee first or take a shower? Other choices, the significant and life-altering, require careful thought and consideration. How you come to a decision is primarily based on your set of values. Some of these values were taught in childhood, while others were learned through observing the outside world. You also take into account your own set of preferences, beliefs, and desired outcome. 

 Everyone makes the wrong decision now and then. Some people make bad decisions and decide to dwell in them; this way, they don't have to take responsibility and can play the victim. They give their power away and go on to make more bad decisions. Others choose to take ownership of their life and choices, moving ahead to correct their mistakes and learn from their experiences. When you learn from making the wrong choices, you will make better choices in the future. How are you to know if you are making the right call? Ask yourself one question. Am I making my decision based on fear or growth? 

 Fear certainly has its place. It is a basic survival instinct that guides our fight or flight responses. However, fear can also prevent us from making positive changes that are necessary for growth. Fear-based decisions are about avoidance of emotional pain, cause stagnation, and steer us away from our goals. Growth based decisions come from a place of self-love as well as love for others. Growth equals improvement and gives us what we want out of life. The following list can help you discern how you are making your decisions.

• Fear: There are too many unknowns, and unknowns are scary. Not knowing how things may change or worrying about how others will react makes you feel out of control. You decide its best to stick with what is predictable.

• Growth: Changes always occur with unknowns, and those unknowns are not inherently negative or harmful to your well being.

• Fear: What if I am judged, shamed, or rejected? This feeling comes from a place of insecurity, leading you to avoid making waves or others uncomfortable. If you are a people pleaser, this fear is heavy and a driving force behind your choices.

• Growth: I have carefully considered the impact of my choices on others. I do not need permission or the understanding of others to do what is right for me. I am honoring myself by meeting my goals. This decision may make others uncomfortable, and I am okay with that. It is not my job to meet the expectations others have set for me.

• Fear: What if I fail? If I don't try, I can not fail. There is nothing better on the horizon, anyways. The fear of failure and the fear of scarcity will always leave you in a position of settling for less than you deserve.

• Growth: I can try, and if it does not work out, I will have learned something valuable. If it works out, I will have accomplished something that will make me proud. The world has so much to offer, and I am prepared to work hard and receive the blessings that come my way.

• Fear: My intuition must be off, besides ( fill in the blank). You don't want to make a decision based on emotions alone, so you are overly logical and ignore what your gut is telling you. Behind all of your excuses for rationalizing your choice, you have the feeling of " this is not right".

• Growth: These are the facts about each choice I have, and these are the emotions that accompany these facts. My gut feeling is that choice X is right because it feels right and aligns with the stated facts and my goals.

 When you are trying to make a decision to pay close attention to your inner dialogue, identify where in the process, you are allowing fear to influence your choice. Name the fear and let it go. Make a conscious choice to replace the fear narrative with one that is logical, does not limit you, and feels right. You must be brutally honest with yourself. Doing so may make you feel uncomfortable, and some things are difficult to accept. However, something seemingly magical happens when you choose to do so. You begin to let go of what is not serving you, and you make room for new and better experiences. You make fewer mistakes, and you make positive changes that add to your sense of well being and happiness. You find yourself in a space where you can be strategic and logical while honoring your feelings and needs. You feel more confident and can make space for others to do the same. You retain the power of your own life story, the messy and the beautiful. 

 The opinions in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any mental or physical condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099.

Coping with Feelings: It is not always wise to forgive and forget.

Author: Lynda Benigno

 There are dozens of quotes from philosophers and religious clergy espousing the tenents of forgiveness.  While the idea of forgiveness is noble, in situations in which deep hurt or trauma has occurred, forgiveness may be the exact opposite of what a person needs. For them to forgive is to ignore the fundamental emotional and mental process that needs to occur. The definition of forgiveness is to grant pardon to a person for an offense, to absolve and cease to feel resentment. The real nuance of forgiveness places the focus on the other person, to relieve them of any wrongdoing. The expectation is that any negative emotion towards the other person ceases to exist.

 I am saying bull to the whole facade. Forgiveness is not needed to move on, to heal, or be healthy. Emotions are not always logical; however, ignoring your feelings will not work. Our emotions carry essential messages; anger, hurt, and sadness tell us to be careful and to take care of ourselves. Forgiveness can not be forced. Refusing to forgive does not make you a bad person, a negative person, or unenlightened. You are entitled to your feelings, to honor them and listen to what they are telling you because they are there for a reason.

 There are many instances in which forgiving can do more harm than good. We live in a time when society tells us that the dark emotions we have are "bad". Instead of allowing ourselves to feel them, we should stuff them down. Forgiveness is touted as a cure-all for being hurt by another person. Prescribing forgiveness to someone after severe betrayal, abuse, or trauma only serves to heap guilt on top of the anger and hurt the victim is already feeling. You are telling them that they are to ignore their own needs to cater to the other persons emotional well being. There have been cases in which family members will turn their backs on the victim of abuse because they won't let go, forgive, and go with the program.  Someone who has been deeply hurt may tell others they have forgiven to relieve the pressure and constant clamoring for them to do so. The situation then becomes more stressful because they must live a lie by pretending everything is okay. Doing this can lead to depression and isolation.  I implore anyone who gets told that their reaction to feeling hurt is the problem, not the offense itself, to RUN! It is emotional abuse, plain and simple.

 True forgiveness is a process with no time limit. The offender must be held accountable for their actions and understand the damage they have done. Discussions need to take place in which full responsibility is taken, and genuine guilt and remorse are displayed. A sincere apology absent of excuses is required. The person on the receiving end needs to be given the time and space that they need to work through their emotions.

 Moreover, to forgive before any accountability prevents the offender from learning from their mistake. Some betrayals are so egregious that forgiveness is tantamount to handing the other person a bullet so they can take another shot. It is up to you to decide what relationships are worth repairing and which ones are not.

 Healing should always be your goal. It is okay to feel anger.  It is okay to feel sad. It is okay to feel betrayed. Use the emotions you have to build and reinforce boundaries that will protect you from the other person if the situation calls for it. Spend time talking to those who love you and care about your well being. These people will not pressure you to be anywhere emotionally  except where you are and can be a tremendous source of support. Pay close attention to your feelings and manage them to the best of your ability. Talk therapy can help sort out confusing emotions and give you the tools to manage your feelings when they arise. Take care of yourself by eating well and getting enough exercise and sleep.  Take a stand for your own needs and recognize that healing does not require forgiveness. Healing requires acknowledging your emotions and working through them to find peace within yourself. If you are in a situation where forgiveness comes easy, that is wonderful. If not, let yourself off the hook. To thy own self be true.

 The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any physical or mental condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255, or Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099.

Dealing with Anxiety ? You're not Alone.

Author: Lynda Benigno

Imagine you are about to give a speech to a large crowd of your peers. As your turn to speak draws near you look down at your notes; you notice your palms are clammy, your stomach hurts, you have dry mouth, and you feel like you can't breathe. When you take the stage, your hands shake, your voice is quiet and trembles as you glance at your notes. You struggle to get the words out. A few days later, after a particularly stressful day at work, you lie in bed ruminating over the day's events. You question whether tomorrow is going to be just as stressful. You go over all of the possible scenarios, every single thing that could go wrong. How will you handle it? You look at the clock; it's now midnight, you have lost 2 hours of sleep. You feel short of breath, the room feels warm, and you sit up trying to take a deep breath. This is life with an anxiety disorder.

Anxiety disorders are the most commonly diagnosed psychiatric disorder, with over 3 million people affected a year. Generalized anxiety and panic disorders are the most prevalent and seen in all age ranges and socio-economic backgrounds. The difference between generalized anxiety and panic disorder are the intensity and duration of the person's symptoms.

Risk Factors Include:

·    Family History

·    Significant life changes such as divorce, death of a close family member or job loss

·    History of physical, emotional or sexual abuse

·    Chemical or hormonal imbalance in the brain

·    Medical conditions such as heart disease, asthma, drug abuse or withdraw

·    Long term stress due to complicated relationships or work environment, financial difficulties or illness

*Stress that leads to skipping meals, consumption of alcohol and not getting enough sleep can worsen or trigger anxiety.

General anxiety builds slowly and relates to a particular event or situation. If you have anxiety, you may worry excessively and feel a great deal of fear, trying to anticipate disaster or worst-case scenarios related to future events. The worries may include health of yourself or others, money, family, work, or school. Constantly worrying makes it challenging to concentrate and setting the worry aside feels impossible. You may experience stomach ache, nausea, and changes in breathing. By the end of the day, you feel drained and tired, but your mind continues to go over the day's events and possible events of the next day.

Panic attacks involve severe symptoms that are disruptive to daily life. Panic attacks come on suddenly with little warning. The fear and anxiety the person feels is out of proportion to the actual event. Accelerated heart rate, shaking, shortness of breath, chest pain, feeling lightheaded or faint and sweating occurs. A panic attack can last several minutes, and symptoms usually appear in late teen or early adulthood. Something as benign as standing in the grocery store checkout line can bring on a panic attack that leaves you baffled as to why it occurred in the first place.

A therapist is best able to determine the kind of anxiety disorder you are suffering from and the course of treatment that will fit your needs. The most common and effective treatment is Psychotherapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy will teach you new ways of behaving, thinking, and reacting to the feelings that come with anxiety or panic. Medications such as SSRI'S can be helpful for some patients. SSRI'S are usually prescribed for depression and should not be the first line of defense. If prescribed, the medication can take several weeks to start working and comes with side effects, so it is best to start with a moderate dose and gradually increase if needed.

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any physical or mental condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099.

Gun Violence in America: How to Cope With The Insanity.

Author: Lynda Benigno

America; we have a problem, a sickening, emotionally exhausting, gun problem. When I try to contemplate the loss of life, physical injuries, trauma, and grief, my head spins. Seeing hundreds of " thoughts and prayers" posts on social media makes me nauseous. I imagine many others feel the same as I do. We as a country are perfectly comfortable with a level of violence that seriously injures or snuffs out lives in one foul swoop. Where has our humanity gone?

The memory of coming home from school on April 20, 1999; seeing kids my age, terrified and crying outside their school, is still fresh in my mind. At the time, it did not occur to me that this event would become commonplace. More than ten years later, gun violence touched my family, as did the realization that no one is immune to becoming a statistic. This year marked the 20th anniversary of Columbine, and I have developed a mental list of places I associate with mass death. Grocery stores/shopping malls, bars, clubs, concerts, movie theaters, churches, and office buildings. Perhaps it's my way of coping with the endless stream of human slaughter and suffering that lays itself bare on the television screen and in my news feed. How long before there are memorials on every street corner in our country? Why are we cowering in the face of the disintegration of basic human decency?

Statistics on gun violence in America are grim.

·    The U.S has had 249 mass shootings in 2019.

·    The U.S has six times the gun homicide rate as Canada, and the gun homicide rate in the U.S. is 25 times that of other high-income countries.

·    Firearms are the second leading cause of death in American children and teens and the first leading cause of death for African American children.

·    4.5 million American women have been threatened with a firearm by an intimate partner.

·    52 American women are shot and killed by an intimate partner each month in the U.S.

·    Gun homicide rates are higher in racially segregated neighborhoods with high poverty rates.

·    58% of American adults or someone they care for has experienced gun violence.

·    Three million American children witness gun violence a year.

We can debate the broadly defined term, mass shooting, until we are all blue in the face. I have no interest. I have no interest in talking about good guys with guns, second amendment rights, or extra security measures in buildings or at outdoor events. I will say this. I believe having a president who incites violence with racist and sexist rhetoric is not helping. Easy access to firearms is a problem. The unwillingness of Congress to ban the sale of assault weapons, the most favored weapon of mass shooters, is a problem. Entitled, misogynistic, racist white males are a problem ( and the one common thread in all mass shootings). Access to mental health services is a problem. However, it should be noted that statistically, those with mental illness are more likely to be a target of gun violence than a perpetrator. Calling shooters crazy when the reality is they are methodical is a problem. Poverty, substance abuse, and domestic violence are a problem as they are contributing factors. The fact that shootings are inevitable, and the loss of life is acceptable is a problem.

Do I have any easy answers for stopping the current insanity? No. Do I hope you will talk about it, call your congressional leaders, and organize discussions in your community? Yes.

Whether you are a victim of gun violence, a witness, or just emotionally drained from the imagery and talking heads on the news, I have a few suggestions to help you cope.

1.   Practice Self Care- Eat healthily, sleep, exercise, and do your best to maintain a routine. It may seem selfish to think about yourself; however, you can not pour from an empty cup.

2.   Recognize when you or those around you need support- There is no shame in getting help. If you notice changes in eating habits, sleep patterns, mood swings, or low energy levels, seek advice from a therapist. If you see these changes in someone you love, do your best to be supportive and suggest therapy. After a traumatic event, having someone to talk to who is understanding will make all the difference.

3.   Limit Media Exposure- The medias portrayal of mass shootings have been shown to cause acute stress and trigger PTSD. While it is essential to stay informed, the constant barrage mass death is not good for anyone. Turn off the tv and your phone whenever possible.

4.   Check-in with your kids- For children directly impacted by gun violence, increased anxiety, fear, depression, and difficulty expressing their emotions may occur. Witnessing news reports on mass shootings will challenge your children's sense of safety. Have a conversation with them by letting them openly express their fears, concerns, and questions without injecting your own two sense. Stay calm and validate their feelings by telling them what they are feeling is normal and rational. Limit their exposure to the 24-hour news cycle as much as possible.

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any mental or physical condition. If you are struggling, please contact your health care provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255, or Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099.

A Right to a Healthy Relationship Starts with Healthy Choices.

Author: Lynda Benigno

In our life, no area seems more complicated than our relationship with others. Relationships of all kinds require effort. We try to adapt to others faults, moods, and preferences, and hopefully, others do the same. Healthy relationships comprise of mutual respect, empathy, compassion, and a general interest in the well being, growth and happiness of the other person. No matter your relationship to another person; parent to child, spouse to spouse or friendship, you should feel safe, loved, and accepted for who you are. In healthy relationships, disagreements and minor power struggles occur, with both parties willing and able to resolve them with open communication and compromise.

Toxic relationships are harmful to our well being, contributing to stress, anxiety, depression, and medical problems such as heart disease. A relationship that has inequality, selfishness, dominance, control, and destructive behavior patterns make you feel emotionally and mentally drained. You begin to avoid the other person or keep your time with them short. A toxic relationship may also consist of physical violence or substance abuse, and in this case, intervention is required, get help immediately.

It can be challenging to tell if a relationship is toxic because no relationship is perfect all of the time. Answering these questions can help you figure out if a relationship is toxic.

1. Does the other person insist on having things their way with little consideration of your feelings or needs?

2. When you spend time with the other person, do you feel drained instead of energized?

3. Do you trust the other person?

4. Is the other person always angry or hostile?

5. Does the other person always have unfolding drama or problems that they want you to engage in or help fix?

6. Does the other person always judge or criticize you?

7. Does the other person support your emotional and physical well being?

8. Do you change your opinions or needs based on what the other person wants to keep the peace?

9. Do you feel uncomfortable around the other person?

10. Are you unable to grow and learn in the presence of the other person?

11. Does being around the other person bring out the worst in you?

12. Do you find yourself going along with ideas or actions that are contrary to your ethical code of conduct?

13. Does the other person use guilt as a weapon such as appearing to support a decision and then remind you of how the decision inconvenienced them?

14. Does the other person have a short fuse and you avoid doing or saying anything that might set them off?

15. Does the other person insult you and then smile and say its a joke?

We humans have a fundamental need to connect and be close to each other. Having positive relationships is vital for our well being. If you recognize these traits in any of your relationships, you owe it to yourself to address them with the other person. If you are both looking for a way to improve your relationship, therapy can be an excellent first step. If the other party is not interested in discussing and changing the relationship dynamics, then separation from this person may be your only option. Continuing to expose yourself to an unhealthy relationship will cost you your mental and physical health and potentially breed ongoing conflict.

*Important Note: If you are in a relationship where there is physical violence and or substance abuse, only confront the other person if and when it is safe to do so. Seek out professional help from someone who has experience with domestic violence and or substance abuse. Confronting the other person alone may put your safety at risk. National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-787-3224.

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any physical or mental condition. If you are suffering, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099.

Netflix and Chill, because it's self care too. -Stepping Stone Community Services

Author: Lynda Benigno

The WHO defines self-care as " what people do for themselves to establish and maintain health and prevent and deal with illness". Self-care is finding a balance between daily life demands and your own needs to maintain overall well being. Self - care involves taking into account your psychological; physical, emotional, spiritual, and professional needs. Most days, you wake up with a full battery, as you complete tasks and fulfill obligations throughout the day, your battery slowly drains. By the end of the day, your battery is on empty. Practicing self- care is like plugging yourself into a charger. Engaging in self-care allows you to forge a healthy relationship with yourself as well as others. When you are in tune with your own needs and can meet those needs, you open up space within yourself to serve others without draining your battery.

Often an individual will reach a breaking point before engaging in self-care practices. What self - care looks like varies, each person has their individual needs and what works for one person may not work for another. Self-care can be challenging for individuals who suffer from depression or have experienced trauma; in this case, a therapist can help. Making self-care a part of your daily routine will reduce stress and anxiety levels, increase your self-esteem, and produce positive feelings.

Below you will find the five different categories of self - care and a few examples to help you get started. You can incorporate one or two activities into your daily routine and see what works for you.

Psychological Self-Care:

* Engage in self-reflection.

*Say "no" to activities that do not bring you joy.

*Acknowledge your feelings throughout the day.

*Find a therapist to help you work through painful emotions or trauma and improve coping and communication skills.

Physical Self-Care

*Eat healthy foods.

*Get regular exercise.

*Wear comfortable clothes.

*Get regular check-ups and take all medications as prescribed.

*Get plenty of sleep.

*Get a massage or have a spa day.

Emotional Self-Care

*Recognize and feel your emotions as they are without judgment.

*Compliment yourself once a day.

*Write in a journal.

*Set appropriate boundaries with others especially those who are not supportive or leave you feeling drained or depressed.

*Spend time with people you love.

*Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

*Forgive others for their mistakes ( you will feel much lighter ).

*Watch a funny movie or comedy special on Netflix/ Binge-watch your favorite show.

*Establish a no-contact hour each day. Each day for one hour your phone is turned off, you unplug from social media and the never-ending stream of emails. Use this time for reflection or doing something you love.

Spiritual Self-Care

No matter what religion or spiritual practice you observe, you able to get to know your soul/higher self.

*Meditation alone, with a partner or meditation circle.

*Attend church.

*Spend time with nature, this can be in your backyard with a cup of coffee or at a park.

Professional Self- Care

*Balance workload with breaks.

*Communicate with coworkers in a clear manner.

*Establish healthy boundaries by leaving work at work.

*If something about your workplace is bothering you, bring the subject up with a supervisor. Be specific about the problem and open to solutions.

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any mental or physical condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-6656.

How The Addiction to Dopamine Hijacks the Brain. (Part 3) -Stepping Stone Community Services

Author: Lynda Benigno

The goals of treatment for addiction should comprise of stopping the use of the substance, helping the addict remain substance-free and become productive in all areas in life including family, work and society. No single treatment will work for everyone, and as with other diseases, some trial and error to see what is effective for the patient is needed. One of the most effective methods of treatment is counseling and behavioral therapy. Treatment should also include addressing traumas and any existing psychological disorders. Patients should have a complete physical exam that includes testing for STD'S, infectious diseases and other health problems that the substance use may have caused. Detoxing while under a medical professionals care is preferred and a good first step. Long term follow up care that also includes support from family, friends or a sponsor will help prevent relapse. Restructuring the family unit through family therapy can create a loving and supportive environment that increases the chance of sobriety and aid in the healing process for all who are involved.

Detoxing and the role of medication

As previously mentioned, detoxing under a medical professionals care is preferred. An addict with severe dependence may experience dangerous withdrawal symptoms that can last from days to weeks. While not all withdrawal symptoms are life-threatening, they can be alarming to the addict and those around them. These acute symptoms may include, hyperactivity, sweating, nausea, increased blood pressure or heart rate, body pains or headaches, disorientation, insomnia, night sweats, fatigue, fever or chills, and hallucinations. A medical professional can prescribe medications that can ease withdrawal symptoms and aid in sobriety. These include:

*Naltrexone: Reduces relapse for narcotic and alcohol dependence by blocking opioid receptors that are involved with the pre-frontal cortex of the brain where reward is triggered.

*Suboxone, Probuphine, Sublocade: Reduces cravings and withdraw symptoms for those with opioid dependence

Behavioral and Cognitive Therapy

The goal with behavioral and cognitive therapies is to modify the patient's attitude and behavior related to substance abuse as well as create healthy lifestyle goals that will promote sobriety. This process works to keep the patient engaged in the treatment process and provides incentives to stay sober. Patients learn how to cope with everyday stressors as well as the thoughts and emotions that lead to substance use. They also learn how to how to remove themselves from situations that trigger substance use. By rewarding healthy behavior and consciously seeing thoughts in a realistic way, the patient will learn not to attach a negative emotion or response to their experience. Behavioral and cognitive therapies can be tailored to meet the patients individual needs making treatment effective.

Family Therapy

Family therapy has been shown to be more effective than standard support counseling. Family therapy is used to resolve family conflict, repair relationships and improve the function of the unit as a whole in a way that promotes sobriety. Family therapy will address the impact of addiction, mental health concerns and any trauma that is the result of addiction. Family therapy also helps to validate the experiences of each family member while developing new communication skills and healthy behavioral dynamics. Family therapy provides healing and sobriety for all parties involved.

12 Step Program

12 step facilitation therapy helps promote long term sobriety through engagement with peers. The three basic tenants behind this approach are acceptance, surrender and active involvement. Although the 12 step program was initially developed for alcoholics, the program is useful for various addictions including narcotics and debtors. The program is based heavily on religion, but those with non-religious beliefs have found the program helpful. The focus does not have to be on any particular religion or deity but rather something bigger than yourself such as the universe. The 12 steps are as followed:

*Admit that you are powerless over your addiction and your life has become unmanageable.

*Believe a power higher than yourself can restore you to sanity

* Decide to turn over your will and life to God; however, you understand God to be.

*Take moral inventory of yourself in a fearless manner

*Admit to God, yourself and others the true nature of your wrongs

*Be entirely ready to have God remove all of your defects of character

*Humbly ask God to remove your shortcomings

*Make a list of all persons you have wronged and be willing to make amends

*Make amends to those on your list except when doing so will cause more harm to the other person

*Continue to take a moral inventory of yourself and when you are wrong promptly admit so

*Through prayer and meditation, seek to improve contact with God, pray for knowledge of his will for you and the strength to carry it out

*Having experienced a spiritual awakening, try to carry this message to other addicts and continue to practice these principals in all of your affairs.

Role of a Sponsor in Recovery

Having a sponsor as well as regular meetings offers social support that is a critical component of AA. A sponsor provides one on one support and has usually had experience in the program for an extended period. Majority of sponsors make themselves available 24/7 so that there is someone available whenever the need arises. Since your sponsor is also in recovery, they can detect the early warning signs that you may relapse and provide the extra support needed to help you stay sober. Your sponsor is also responsible for giving honest feedback on behavior and thought patterns as well as helping you through your 12 steps.

Therapeutic Communities

Rehabilitation at a therapeutic community provides a highly structured program where patients reside. The time frame is dependent on the severity of the addiction and can range anywhere from 6-12 months. Staff members, as well as peers, play a role in influencing change. It is a group based approach that also includes medically trained professionals and other specialists such as a psychiatrist. The focus is placed on the overall health and well being of the patient. These include making lifestyle changes such as developing a routine as well as learning life skills that promote sobriety. The patients attend group therapy, individual or family therapy, education classes as well as participating in work-related responsibilities. The running of the community is based on everyone's participation and is highly structured. This tactic promotes healthy socialization skills and helps each person participate constructively in society.

Access to Care

Insurance does not always cover addiction treatment and when it does it may not include treatment for as long as the patient requires. When looking for a treatment center, many are surprised to find that immediate access is not possible. Restrictions placed on clinicians that include how many patients can be treated at a time limits the number of beds available at rehab centers. Without immediate access, an addict may discard the notion of treatment and continue using.

Addressing our response to addiction is critical. Accepting that addiction is a disease also means accepting it should be treated as a disease. Although penalties should be imposed for criminal offenses, addressing the underlying condition with the primary focus on rehabilitation would be much more effective.

If you or someone you know has a substance abuse problem, please contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration at 1-800-662-4357

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any physical or mental condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099.

How The Addiction to Dopamine Hijacks the Brain. (Part 2)

Author: Lynda Benigno

In part one of this series, we covered what addiction is and the physical and psychological consequences. Aside from changes in the brain and decline in physical and mental health, an addict faces a range of consequences that are far-reaching and often extends beyond themselves.

Impact on Family

Addicts relationships become unstable, and separation from family members is prevalent. Addicts often become isolated and may come home late or not at all. Other family members or neighbors may step in and provide care and support for the addict's spouse and children. A spouse, deciding they have had enough, may file for divorce and seek custody of minor children. Financial resources become depleted in order to support the addict's addiction, and unpaid bills that lead to the loss of housing, transportation or use of utilities affects the entire household. Fear, anxiety, depression, guilt, anger, stress, denial, and embarrassment are common for those who live with an addicted family member. Children of an addict may act as a surrogate spouse taking on adult responsibilities such as caring for younger siblings before they are mature enough to do so. The lack of positive role modeling, concepts of normal behavior and trust has a lasting impact on children. Finding it challenging to sustain a meaningful relationship with their addicted parent, a child may lash out in a variety of ways such as temper tantrums or disruptive behavior. Children of addicts are at risk of developing trust issues, impaired learning capabilities, difficulty adjusting to change, increased rates of divorce, control issues, depression, low self-esteem, violence, anxiety and are at a higher risk of becoming addicts themselves. A child born to an addicted mother is at risk for low birth rate, STD'S, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or being born addicted to opioids leading to withdraw after birth. The spouse of an addict who does not use may attempt to compensate for the using parent's shortcomings by taking on the provider role. The non- using spouse, seeking to protect their children and provide emotional and financial security is often overwhelmed and experiences high levels of stress and anxiety. Asking for help becomes difficult because the spouse may feel a great deal of embarrassment and shame and fears judgment from others.

Legal Consequences

It is not uncommon for an addict to experience legal troubles. Impaired thinking leads to poor decision making and an increase in aggressive behaviors. Theft, driving under the influence, possession of a controlled substance and violent crimes are the most common criminal charges an addict can face. Domestic violence has been linked to addiction with upwards of 50% of violent crimes being committed by men who have a substance abuse problem. As many as 80% of child abuse cases are linked to drug or alcohol abuse. As an addicts tolerance builds an addict may resort to theft, stealing from family, friends or committing burglary at retail stores or residential homes. Depending on the offense, an addict may lose driving privileges, lose custody of minor children, serve time in jail or residential rehabilitation program.

Financial Consequences

Due to addiction, an addict may miss work more than those who don't use. Work performance may decline, and professional licenses may be revoked leading to job loss. If an addict faced criminal charges, an employer might refuse to hire them. Failing health, accidents or violence can lead to higher medical bills. Growing drug tolerance leads the addict to spend more of their financial resources on supporting their addiction. Irresponsible spending may lead to foreclosure, repossession of vehicles, loss of utilities and an inability to put food on the table. Legal fees due to criminal charges or divorce and custody battles; including the cost of an attorney, court fees, fines, and time lost at work to attend court appearances add up quickly.

If you or someone you know has a substance abuse problem, please contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration at 1-800-662-4357.

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any physical or mental condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-6656.

#ssfravenna #ssravenna #steppingstonecommunityservices

How The Addiction to Dopamine Hijacks the Brain (Part 1)

Author: Lynda Benigno

Scientific research tells us addiction hijacks the brain. The brain undergoes adverse changes that last long after the effects of the drug have worn off. Wiring in the brain is modified, and neurons die. The prefrontal cortex works with the anterior cingulate cortex in evaluating reward and punishment, controlling motivation, memory, attention, decision making, and regulating mood and emotions. Dopamine, a chemical released from neurons in the prefrontal cortex is released during pleasurable experiences. Eating, sex, exercise, meditation, or listening to music can trigger dopamine release. While a dose of dopamine from healthy activities is not problematic, the release of dopamine from stimulants increases the risk of addiction.

After ingesting a stimulant; dopamine is activated causing intense pleasure. In order to bring stimulation down to a manageable level the brain needs to adapt, so it offsets by reducing the number of dopamine receptor cells or increases the number of dopamine transporters. These changes cause drug tolerance leading to a higher amount of the drug being needed to achieve the same effects that were previously experienced.

For an addict, the prefrontal cortex and anterior cingulate cortex no longer function properly. The ability to evaluate risk or make decisions becomes impaired. The addict experiences changes in their ability to learn as well as memory. In severe cases, other physical conditions can develop such as damage to organs, skin changes such as lesions or acne and dental problems. Studies show those who abuse drugs are twice as likely to develop a mood disorder and substance abuse has an effect on any pre-existing mental disorders. Mood swings, erratic behavior, psychosis ( losing touch with reality), depression, suicide, and death are possible outcomes. Drug use increases risky behavior and leads the addict to behave out of character, which can have serious consequences. When under the influence an addict is more likely to have an accident, overdose, engage in risky sexual activity, commit violent acts or commit suicide.

The effects of addiction go beyond the physical and mental body. Broken relationships along with legal and financial problems are often consequences an addict faces. We will explore this topic in Part 2.

If you or a loved one has a substance abuse problem, please contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration at 1-800-662-4357.

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any physical or mental condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099.

How To Deal With A Toxic Work Environment When You Really Need The Job.

Author: Lynda Benigno

Approximately one-third of human life is spent working, one-fifth of American workers report working in a hostile or threatening environment. Workplace incivility is defined as the accumulation of thoughtless actions that leave employees feeling disrespected, intentionally ignored, undermined by colleagues or belittled by insensitive managers. A study in 2018 looked at the correlation between incivility in the workplace and symptoms of insomnia; findings suggested workplace incivility led to negative workplace rumination that takes a toll of sleep quality. Poor sleep affects your body's physical and psychological well being. Those that struggle with sleep problems and high-stress levels are also at higher risk of developing diabetes, cardiovascular disease, obesity, difficulty managing anger, and a shortened life span. There is this idea that a bad job is better than no job; however, studies show those who went from unemployment to a poor quality job had higher biological indicators of stress than those who remained unemployed.

Employers set the tone for the work environment, deciding what is valued and tolerated in terms of a code of conduct. There are some red flags to look for when trying to determine whether your workplace is toxic.

* You are overworked leading to burnout and feelings of anger toward your employer.

* You experience workplace dread: Feelings of dread and stress that are present despite being home or engaging in personal time.

* You have a toxic manager: Displays anger or resorts to issuing threats, humiliating employees, intimidation, verbal abuse, or undermining an employees ability to accomplish his or her work.

*Poor communication: There is no communication at all, poor communication between employees and supervisors, withholding information or giving misleading information.

*Policies and Procedures are inconsistent: Company rules are implemented for one group while everyone else does what they please. This includes management not being held to the same ethical and behavioral standard as inferiors or playing favorites.

You may not have much control over your work environment, but you do have control over how you cope. If speaking with management gets you nowhere, practicing psychological detachment will reduce the effects of working in a toxic environment. Psychological detachment involves avoidance of work-related thoughts, actions, and emotions during non-working hours. When coupled with relaxation this practice results in better sleep, less mental exhaustion and better overall health. You are making a conscious choice to shift your focus from work to something that brings you joy, leaving no room for negative work-place rumination.

Along with avoidance of work-related thoughts during non-work hours, you can try the following:

* Exercise

*Plan future events such as vacations

*Meditation

*Listen to music

*Engage in hobbies or volunteer work

- I highly recommend volunteer work, in a toxic work environment you may feel what you are doing is meaningless; helping others can give you a

sense of purpose and feel good boost.

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any physical or mental condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099.

#ssravenna #workstress #ssfravenna #mentalhealth #payday

Enjoying the Moment. -Stepping Stone Community Services Blog

By: Bethany Latimer

Have you ever had a delicious meal arrive in front of you and moments later look down to see that it was almost gone and you hadn’t really fully enjoyed it? Maybe you were too busy thinking about something that happened in your recent past or were worrying about something coming up in the near future? Most of us have trouble living in the moment. Our minds continuously shuffling through thoughts about the past and future.

Mindfulness; the ability to be fully aware of what is happening with our minds and bodies in the present moment. The Eastern World has practiced mindfulness since the beginning of time. The Western World is becoming aware of why this practice is so important. It is not an easy practice and it takes practice! There are hundreds of techniques to help a person stay in the present moment. These can often be done with more focus and awareness if you have some training in monitoring your thoughts and “self-talk.”

 Mental health therapy is an excellent way to start becoming aware of the thoughts and self-talk that cycle through your head. It is hard to sort through by yourself. After all, our own minds often can not see the problems of our own minds! Getting feedback from a therapist that can recognize patterns in dysfunctional thinking can allow one to clear out some of that clutter that goes through our heads. We can examine reasons why we stay stuck in the past or overly focused on the future. We can learn to live in the moment and enjoy what is right in front of us. The ultimate way to find peace.

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any mental or physical condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-6656.

The Power Of Music Therapy. -Stepping Stone Community Services Blog

Author: Lynda Benigno

Think about the last time you listened to your favorite song. You tapped your fingers or feet, sang along or maybe you danced to the beat. The song triggered a memory, made you feel happy or sad. Perhaps the lyrics expressed what you were feeling but haven't been able to articulate.

When listening to music, a synesthetic experience is triggered as the emotional, memory and language centers of the brain connect during processing. The pleasure centers of the brain are activated, and dopamine is released. Early dopamine rushes can occur in anticipation of your favorite parts of familiar music and peak emotions. Oxytocin, the bonding hormone is released and peaks when singing along. The oxytocin boost that music lovers experience can also make them more generous. Prosocial behaviors - those that are voluntary and intended to benefit others such as kindness, helpfulness and empathy increase, especially when music is appreciated in a group setting such as a concert. Listening to music also boosts the immune system, decreases the stress hormone cortisol, improves mood and establishes new neural connections.

Studies show using music as a form of communication with autistic children can increase emotional understanding. It has also been proven to be a low-risk treatment option for those with mood disorders and neurological conditions such as dementia, stroke, and Parkinson's with no adverse side effects. Music is beneficial in the workplace too. One interesting study showed that office workers who were allowed to listen to their favorite music completed tasks more quickly and were more creative while problem solving than those who had no musical choice at all. Diners at restaurants where music with positive messages is played leave bigger tips. Listening to sad music can create a cathartic experience promoting healing.

It's not just listening that provides benefits, playing an instrument changes brain structure. Learning to play an instrument increases gray matter in the brain. Musicians often have improved auditory processing, reasoning skills, and memory. Learning to play an instrument at a young age causes the most impactful changes and can protect the brain against dementia.

No matter what you choose to listen to music touches everyone in one way or another.Songs become our friends, the artists who write and perform them become our family. Sometimes they are there for us when no one else is, helping us to remember the things we almost forgot, bringing us joy, helping us to heal and be a little more gentle with others and ourselves. A song can speak for us when we lose our voice and help us feel connected with something outside of ourselves. Music is a bridge to all that we are, but we may have forgotten, a vibration.

We want to hear from you. What are some of your favorite songs to listen to and how do they make you feel? Leave your comment on our Facebook or Instagram page.

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any mental or physical condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-6656.

How to get through the holidays after a trauma.

Author: Lynda Benigno

Exhausted, scared, numb, lonely, angry. Emotionally and maybe physically tapped out. Whatever feeling it is inside of you is okay. The holiday season can be especially difficult for anyone who has gone through a trauma or experienced a loss. The expectation is everyone should be joyful no matter what is going on inside. We don't want to make others uncomfortable, so we stuff our emotions down and put on a smile. This expectation extends beyond the holiday season. There is a general push in society to be optimistic at all times. While I will be the first to admit I believe in the importance of optimism in everyday life, I also think it has its time and place. Ignoring our emotions, attempting to cover them up seemingly for our own sake or the sake of others is at best, damaging. Being present isn't just about the joys in our life, it means giving full attention to the unpleasant as well. Acknowledgment can be a catalyst for change when you are ready, but you don't have to be ready now.

Whatever negative emotions you have, they are yours to have. It is your experience for as long as you need it to be. The experience does not define you as weak. Honoring those feelings- by recognizing its presence and allowing yourself to feel it fully, makes you pretty darn strong. Feel no guilt for the existence of those feelings or taking the time to honor them. Notice when you accept those emotions that you are still breathing, you are still standing, and you are strong.

Sometimes our emotions are not something that needs to be resolved quickly so we can go about our day. We can find compassion for ourselves by honoring our emotions as opposed to covering it up with positivity. People you are close to may be well-intentioned and want to help because they want you to feel well. Sometimes this has more to do with their discomfort; they see you are not happy, and they want to "fix" so that you feel happy, and so do they. If we recognize this tendency, we can respond with compassion. I recommend using a phrase such as: " Thank you for trying to help, I am processing right now and need some time.".

No one's life is free from discomfort, and our emotions can be challenging to get a handle on sometimes. I promise you are not alone. You may wake up one day and feel unhappy. You have no idea why, no clue as to what brought it on. That's okay! If you know why it's occurring that's okay too. There is zero need for you to justify it to anyone. Now that's not to say you can walk around and treat others terribly because of it and unfortunately that does occur. We have all heard the saying " Hurt people hurt others.", and if you are having difficulty processing your emotions or projecting your hurt onto others, I highly recommend you speak with a therapist.

I want you to know it's okay that you don't feel okay, take all the time you need.

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any mental or physical condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-6656.

A few ways to stop overthinking everything.

Author: Lynda Benigno

Overthinking creates a lot of misery. If you are an over thinker, you find yourself unable to silence the continuous stream of thoughts. You over analyze interactions and events with a narrative that is primarily negative and may include "what if?", " what would I do differently?" and "what I should have said was.". All the while the problem in your head becomes bigger and bigger.

Overthinking is different from introspection. Introspection is like having a meeting with yourself, a chance to check in and gauge where you stand emotionally and spiritually. You take inventory and gain an understanding of your true self, the things about yourself you would like to change and set goals that lead to personal growth. Introspection leads to productive action, overthinking leaves you paralyzed in the thought process.

Studies find overthinking takes a toll on your overall well being. People who overthink are more likely to experience headaches, muscle tension, difficulty sleeping, irritability, restlessness, sweating, anxiety, and a distorted view of problems. While stuck in rumination, problem-solving becomes more difficult because instead of looking for a solution, you dwell on mistakes. As you ruminate the risk of mental health problems increase, this leads to more overthinking. You become trapped in a vicious cycle.

Most overthinking comes from our fear of the unknown. We also focus on past and future events heavily. Overall these are things we have little to no control over. As a former control addict, I can say with some certainty relinquishing the grip on everything around us can be incredibly liberating. It frees up your time, head space and makes room for positivity and gratitude. We have no way of changing past events, and the future comes to you in the present moment.

Here are a few things you can try to reduce overthinking :

-Throughout your day take time to notice your thoughts. Realize what is true and what is a made up scenario in your head. If what you are thinking is true, acknowledge its presence. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions arise and honor them. If it is something you can change make a plan and take action. It may be you must confront someone who hurt you or apologizing if you were in the wrong. If your thoughts are a made up scenario gently remind yourself that your thought pattern is not based on truth and is something you have no control over. Release it into the universe or to God. Journaling can be helpful in the release process; writing down thoughts and feelings helps to clear out the junk that is cluttered up in your head. You can also pinpoint negative thinking patterns and gain a better understanding of yourself.

-Try doing something you love. If you think about the last time you were engaged in an activity that brought you immense joy you may realize that you zoned in on the task and your concentration remained relatively unbroken. You zone in because at that moment you are fully invested in what you are doing. Occasionally an intrusive thought may occur, but you are quick to dismiss it as an annoyance because you are fully present in the moment.

- Find the humor in the ridiculous. If you think about it, so much of what we think about is quite absurd. A few days ago in the car, I observed countless people with leaf blowers and rakes, working tirelessly to make sure there wasn't a single leaf touching their grass. I questioned society's obsession with having a perfectly manicured lawn. Sure, there are practical reasons to cut your grass, but I wondered what was so offensive about leaves in the grass. Nature is full of disorder, why do we insist on trying to control it? I stepped back for a moment, and then I laughed at myself; I spent 15 minutes asking countless "whys?" about something I have no control over. Does someone raking leaves in their yard have a direct impact on my well being? Nope. Do I care? Nope. Is it life altering? Nope. If my spouse asked how my day was, I wouldn't tell him I spent 15 minutes talking to myself about leaves and lawn care because it sounds ridiculous. We humans are funny and fickle creatures. It's not necessary to take ourselves seriously all of the time.

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any mental or physical condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-6656.

Words that can build yet also destroy.

Words that can build yet also destroy.

Author: Lynda Benigno

 Words have potency, the potential to build a child up or tear them down, motivate or destroy. Your tone is just as important as the words you use. Infants understand facial expressions and tone before language develops. By the age of two, they are responding to verbal communication. As a child begins to get older, the language used by parents and caregivers have a stronger impact on social development, cognitive skills, and emotional development. Words are just words you might say, but science tells us differently.

 All humans have the desire to be understood, accepted, seen and heard. We seek unconditional love, the room to make mistakes without condemnation, and an environment where we can be expressive. Children are no exception. If you are a parent, think back and count how many times you have told your child to think before they speak. Now ask yourself if you are holding yourself to the same standard.

 Children who grow up in homes with degrading and accusatory language, hypercritical and shaming words, frequent comparisons to other children and veiled threats grow up feeling inadequate. The child, ever mindful they are watched from a critical lens can experience a drop in self-esteem, depression, guilt, anxiety, and an inability to manage negative emotions. They may feel self-hatred, become withdrawn or combative, engage in self-harm or turn to alcohol or drugs as a coping mechanism. What we know from research is the brain of a child who grows up in a safe, responsive and supportive environment develops normally. In a hostile and unsupportive environment, grey matter of the brain undergoes literal structural changes affecting the hippo campus ( emotion regulation), the frontal cortex ( decision making) and the corpus callosum ( sensory, motor and cognitive superhighway between the brains two hemispheres).  It is indeed a form of abuse.

 As parents and caregivers, we have an obligation to self-reflect.  It is imperative we work through our past traumas and baggage, so we do not pass our wounds to future generations.

  What words will you choose for your children's tiny ears today? Choose wisely, for they will shape who they become.

 If you know a child who is being abused, please contact the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any mental or physical condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-6656.

The Law Of Attraction.

Author: Lynda Benigno

Research into quantum mechanics shows the simple act of observation creates the observer's reality. If you are not aware of something; be it an object, situation, feeling, thought or person, it won't exist in your subjective reality. The placebo effect shows us negative and positive attitudes produce corresponding results. In other words, the way we think and feel creates our outer world experiences and often influences what action we decide to take.

Everything in the universe is in a constant state of vibration. The colors you see are all vibrations at a particular frequency as are the sounds you hear. Your brain is so powerful it can translate the waves you see and hear into something you can recognize. This translation becomes your reality. Like attracts like vibrations of similar frequency and they become drawn together. If we condition our minds, the outer world and our reality will reflect our new vibration. Just as the environment of a child can either enrich or impede development, your thoughts and subsequent actions can have a powerful impact on your reality and success.

When in a state of confidence, grace, and appreciation, synchronicities increase, patterns appear, and you attract people who are on the same wavelength. Vibrating on a level that matches your desired reality puts you in control of your destiny.

There are simple steps you can take today to help you manifest your heart's desire. The first step is holding a firm belief that you will have the desired outcome. Leave no room for doubt. Trust that the universe ( or God) wants the best for you and is conspiring to give you exactly what you need to attain your goals when you need it and in a time frame that will serve the highest good.

The second step is to behave as if its already yours. If your desired outcome is a new job, when you go to the interview allow your thought patterns to reflect your capabilities and strengths as if you are already doing the job. Like a mantra, you may choose to list these attributes starting with "I am " while getting dressed or in the car.

The third step is to take action to reach your outcome. Permit yourself to release anything that is not directly in your control. Take any necessary steps that are in your reach to attain your desire. If you wanted to start a business, you would apply for a loan, network with others who are successful in the same industry and research the particular requirements needed to get started. Your positive actions coupled with your specific thought patterns will help propel your aspirations into reality.

The last step is to practice gratitude. While there is nothing wrong with desire, appreciating the blessings and joy already present has been shown to increase happiness, deepen relationships and increase productivity. As a result, it helps you reach your goals.

Happy Manifesting!

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any mental or physical condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-6656.

What to Do When Your Loved One Won't Get Help.

One of the most emotionally challenging parts of life is watching a person you love suffer. You see this person wrapped up in a sickness (addiction, unhealthy relationship, self-sabotage, you name it), and the person just can’t or won’t get help for themselves. Meanwhile, you watch the unravel happen. You spend many moments in anxiety, or outright fear for this other person. No matter what you say, or do, just doesn’t seem to get through. You secretly hope the next negative consequence will be enough to change things, and then it doesn’t…

So, what can you do? The only answer, get help for yourself. Here is why:

·         You can learn coping skills to reduce your own anxiety

          You can learn tools to keep you from enabling the sick person to stay sick

·         You can learn how to focus your energy on yourself and your own goals

·         One of the best motivators for people who are sick is seeing someone else ask for help

·         You can find acceptance and peace, even if the other person never changes

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any mental or physical condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-6656.