relationships

Setting Healthy Boundaries

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Author: Lynda Benigno

 Learning good boundaries is a life skill most of us were never taught. Boundaries are thought, and respect for another's well being and autonomy. The boundaries you choose to set are a reflection of your needs and establishes healthy rules for your relationships. Ultimately, boundaries demonstrate what we will accept or not accept in our relationships with others. Setting healthy boundaries is a way to practice self-love and protect your energy.

 Your boundaries can be physical, mental/ emotional, or material.  Physical boundaries can involve touching or physical space.  Violations of physical boundaries can include a person barging into your room without knocking, someone standing too close or touching someone without knowing if the other person is okay with it.

 Mental and emotional boundaries separate feelings and thoughts from one person to another.  Violations of mental and emotional boundaries can include giving unsolicited advice, telling someone how they should feel,  listening in on another's phone calls or, repeating confidential conversations to others.

 Material boundaries involve possessions, and violations can consist of taking something without permission or looking through someone's phone or personal files.

 Other boundary violations can include showing up to a gathering to which you were not invited or correcting children when their parents are present. Refusal to take no for an answer. Insisting grown children live according to your values and desires or sharing personal information without asking if the other person has the mental space to hear it.  
 
 Boundaries do not need to be the same for everyone. Your comfort level can vary depending on the situation and person. Imagine yourself and each person you know standing in a room. Each person has a small border fence around them.  The person to your left is someone you have known for years, and the relationship consists of mutual respect shown through active listening, self-awareness, and owning up to mistakes, consent, and communication. When you encounter this person, your fence door swings open with a welcome. The person on your right is someone you love very much, and for the most part, the relationship is on steady ground. However, every once in awhile, they have a terrible day. They come through the door and dump all of their problems into your lap with little consideration for how it may make you feel. When you encounter this person, your fence door opens cautiously. The person standing directly in front of you is someone you love, but you struggle to keep the relationship on good terms. This person gossips continuously and borrows things and does not return them and wants you to do things their way. When you share how you feel, they respond by minimizing the impact of their actions and words. They become condescending and abusive. When you encounter this person, your fence door does not open; in fact, you decide to put a lock on it.

 The key to setting healthy boundaries is identifying where in your life, you are feeling drained. Spend some time evaluating your relationships with others, personal or professional. Write down which interactions leave you feeling depleted.

 Next, identify what you need to not feel drained. This can mean spending only a limited amount of time with certain people, saying no to invites, or turning off your phone for a set amount of time each day.

 Put your boundaries into action by communicating with those around you in a firm yet gentle way. Start with " I feel______ when you _____. I would appreciate you considering this next time".

 If the other person violates the boundary again, you can remind them by verbally establishing your needs, followed by the consequences of another violation. The consequences laid out should depend on the circumstances and is non-negotiable. You must be prepared to follow through. If you fail to follow through, you end up demonstrating that your boundaries don't carry any meaning.

 It is also important to remember boundaries do not need to be set in stone. The boundaries you set can be re-evaluated and adjusted according to circumstances or changes in relationship status. Find what you are comfortable with and follow your gut instinct. Your body will tell you when something is not right. If you are always clenching your jaw after interacting with a particular person, you should probably be spending less time with them.

 Having a strong support system in place is essential, and I highly recommend seeing a therapist if you are struggling with the process. When setting boundaries, it is not uncommon to receive guilt trips or have others angry with you. Understand that this sort of reaction comes from fear and, sometimes, a side of manipulation.  It is not a sign of love, and you do not need to accept boundary violations as the norm. You can choose to accept it, change it, or leave it.

 As individuals with personal agency remember, you have the right to say No. You have the right to reject the unreasonable expectations of other people. You have the right to personal space. You have the right to protect your energy and to decide to whom you give your energy. You have the right to love yourself enough to set healthy boundaries.

 The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any physical or mental condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255, or Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) - Here is how to cope.

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Author: Lynda Benigno

 Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a depression that occurs at the same time each year. For some people, myself included, late fall to spring feels like a hibernation hell. The days are lacking in sunlight and warmth. Holidays spaced close together, invite overindulgence of food, especially sweets, leading to weight gain. Getting up in the morning becomes impossible without a large cup of coffee. I become irritable and experience mood swings. My energy levels plummet, and I walk through each day lethargic and desperate for the evening hours to approach so I can go to bed. I have difficulty concentrating and less interest in social activities. If your winter blues start to affect every part of your life, you may have SAD. For some people, SAD is debilitating, and it's important to get help. 

  Lower levels of sunlight in the fall and winter cause dips in serotonin, which regulates mood. Melatonin levels are altered, and circadian rhythms, the body's sleep-wake clock, are disrupted. Your mood lowers, you want to sleep all the time, and you are overeating. You feel fatigued, are struggling to perform at work, and activities you usually enjoy hold no interest anymore. Most people who have SAD see their doctor due to extreme fatigue, assuming they are ill.

 To those diagnosed with SAD, do not despair. There are a few things you can do to lessen your symptoms.

  1. See a therapist - In studies, cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown to be more effective than using a lightbox. 

  2. Exercise - Bundle up and take a walk, even if it's just around the block. If the cold is too much for you, hit the gym.

  3. Light Therapy - Light therapy replicates natural light using fluorescent bulbs and helps regulate melatonin levels. A lightbox can be purchased online or in many drug stores. A therapist can prescribe a recommended time frame of exposure based on the severity of your symptoms.

  4. Take a Vacation - Pick a vacation spot that is sunny and warm. Even a weekend getaway will improve your mood.

  5. Listen to Music - Upbeat music has been shown to improve mood in both the short and long term. 

  6. Eat Well - Choose healthy foods over sweets and carbs. Eating more fruits and vegetables can aid in increasing your energy levels and preventing weight gain. 

 Do you suffer from SAD? Are there any tips that you find helpful in combating your symptoms? We would love to hear from you in the comments section of Instagram or Facebook.

 The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any physical or mental condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255, or Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099.

Choices for Strong Willed Children.

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Author Beth Thyme

 This is one of those things that I would say to myself, “Wow, why didn’t I know this earlier!” Let me give you some background. I have 2 boys, age 4 and 6. Like me and my husband (imagine that) they are very strong willed little boys. They give new meaning to the word “assertive.” And overall, that is a good thing. I hope that they can keep that same strong spirit when they hit the teen and adult years. After all, I would like to hope the future holds them not getting walked on by others.

 

So, how, as a mother, do I get what I want and they also get what they want, without doing major battle? (There were many battles happening before I learned about this tool). I had been led to believe in the drill sergeant parenting style. I SAY, YOU DO! But for boys that are a lot like me, they believe the same I SAY, YOU DO MOMMY! This is where the POWER OF CHOICE works.

 

When you give children a choice, it allows them to keep their power. They get to choose, they feel in control. A feeling that everyone (young and old) tend to enjoy. When you as the adult choose the 2 choices, you get to be in control of the outcome. Let me give you an example.

 

You need to stop for lunch at a fast food restaurant. Your child has cup in hand and is headed to the drink station. He or she reaches for the most syrupy and caffeinated pop in the bunch. This is where you come in. You say “no, not that one.” You prepare for the battle. Instead try, “You can not have that one, it is not healthy.” “However, you can have a choice between the lemonade and water.” Sounds like it won’t work, right? I encourage you try it. Children, once presented with 2 choices, get exited that they get to choose and will focus on that instead.

 

The key is that you lay out TWO CHOICES ONLY, THAT YOU AS A PARENT CAN LIVE WITH EITHER ONE THE CHILD CHOOSES. I often see adults allowing children to make their own choices and then berating the child for picking the “wrong” thing. YOU TAKE CONTROL of that part. YOU ARE THE ADULT and you have the knowledge about what the better choices are. YOU WIN, THE CHILD WINS, EVERY TIME!

 The beauty of this is that children grow up to believe that they can make good choices. This is especially when they hit the teen years and you are not there to supervise those choices. That choice one day may be, get in the car with friend who is going to drive drunk or call mom and have her pick me up. Yes, it could be life of death for your child to learn how to make the right choice.

 

Finally, don’t forget to praise your child for making those good choices. Something like, “I knew you would make such a great choice,” is a great one. Happy parenting!

The opinions in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any physical or mental condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255, or Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099

Angry Is Okay? – The Myths and Truths About Anger.

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There’s a lot to be angry about these days – politics on Facebook, traffic jams, heated family gatherings,

dropping your free taco and it shattering to bits on the rocky ground and never to be eaten. The list is

endless. What do you do with your anger? How does it come out? Or does it come out at all? What’s

healthy and not healthy in all of this? Below are some myths – and the correlated truths – about seeing

red.

MYTH: Being angry is wrong.

Truth: Anger is an emotion just like anything else. It’s okay to experience emotions, even ones that

might seem scary, like anger. What’s most important with anger is how it’s expressed and processed.

Action: Take notice of what makes you angry and how you react to it.

MYTH: The best way to “let out” anger is by being physical – hitting or smashing something or even

letting out a good scream.

Truth: Processing your anger doesn’t have to be physical, and sometimes it’s even unhelpful. The

physical part helps to release that immediate adrenaline rush, sure, but it doesn’t get to the meat of the

anger and can even potentially build a pattern of immediately reacting every single time you get angry.

Action: Brainstorm ways you can process anger without getting physical – can you talk to someone?

Write it out? Meditate?

MYTH: When I get angry, I’m mad at what just happened and that’s it.

Truth: Anger is a secondary emotion, which means it’s your body’s knee-jerk reaction to something

deeper, like feelings of fear or pain or vulnerability. Even being angry at something like being stuck in

traffic has an underlying emotion. Maybe there’s fear that you won’t make it home in time for

something important or you’re feeling raw after a rough day at work and just want something

comforting at home.

Action: The next time you get angry, take a minute to go through your day or remember what you were

just thinking about. This will give you some insight into where your anger might be coming from.

MYTH: Being angry isn’t helpful and solves nothing.

Truth: Because anger is a secondary emotion, it also acts as a protective factor. Take, for example, this

analogy of a snake:

Once upon a time, there was a snake in a deli mart parking lot. Every evening, a group of

kids would hang out in the lot and antagonize the snake. It started out as making fun of

its stripes and nudging its tail, but soon the kids started throwing rocks at the snake and

poking it with sticks. The deli owner began hearing reports of kids being bitten by the

Angry Is Okay – The Myths and Truths About Anger

snake, and decided to try and reason with it. He asked the snake if it was biting people,

and when the snake said yes, the deli owner asked it to not bite the kids anymore. Being

a reasonable snake, it agreed. The deli owner didn’t hear anything about snake bites for

the next week. One evening, though, he saw the snake lying still on the ground. It

looked cut and bruised. The deli owner took the snake to the vet and asked why it didn’t

protect itself. The snake’s response? You asked me not to bite the kids.

The snake’s natural reaction to being hurt was to react in anger and bite the kids. Once it could no

longer bite, but also had no other way of protecting itself, it got badly hurt. Anger can protect you from

hurt and act as a signal that something within you is under attack. For example, you and a couple other

friends are invited to a party, and when you get there, you find out everyone else has been there for

hours without you, and you get angry. You were left out, ostracized. If you react out of anger, you don’t

have to feel that pain of vulnerability.

Action: Think about the last time you lashed out in anger – what sort of hurt or pain do you think was

being protected in that situation? What other ways could you have reacted?

MYTH: Anger just happens and there’s no way of telling it’s coming until you snap.

Truth: Your body gives you warning signs to tell you that you’re getting angry. Maybe your heart rate

increases, or your fists start to clench, or your face gets hot. By training yourself to pay attention to

these cues, you can pause and process what’s making you feel angry before you reach your boiling

point.

Action: The next time you feel just a little frustrated, freeze and see what your body is doing. Do you

notice tension in your face? A rapid heartbeat? Something else entirely? These could be your warning

signs, ones you’ll want to start paying attention to.

Whether it’s traffic or a taco, you can practice these truths every day to get a better understanding of

anger’s role in your life and how you can process it in a healthy way.nded to diagnose, treat, or cure any physical or mental illness. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255, or Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099.

Listen To Your Inner Dialogue When Making Decisions.

Listen To Your Inner Dialogue When Making Decisions.   Stepping Stone Community Services Blog.jpg

Author: Lynda Benigno


 The average adult makes 35,000 decisions each day. From the moment you get up in the morning, you make strategic choices, each with its own set of consequences. Some decisions are minute and have minimal impact on your life. When you wake, do you want to have your coffee first or take a shower? Other choices, the significant and life-altering, require careful thought and consideration. How you come to a decision is primarily based on your set of values. Some of these values were taught in childhood, while others were learned through observing the outside world. You also take into account your own set of preferences, beliefs, and desired outcome. 


 Everyone makes the wrong decision now and then. Some people make bad decisions and decide to dwell in them; this way, they don't have to take responsibility and can play the victim. They give their power away and go on to make more bad decisions. Others choose to take ownership of their life and choices, moving ahead to correct their mistakes and learn from their experiences. When you learn from making the wrong choices, you will make better choices in the future. How are you to know if you are making the right call? Ask yourself one question. Am I making my decision based on fear or growth? 

 Fear certainly has its place. It is a basic survival instinct that guides our fight or flight responses. However, fear can also prevent us from making positive changes that are necessary for growth. Fear-based decisions are about avoidance of emotional pain, cause stagnation, and steer us away from our goals. Growth based decisions come from a place of self-love as well as love for others. Growth equals improvement and gives us what we want out of life. The following list can help you discern how you are making your decisions.

  • Fear: There are too many unknowns, and unknowns are scary. Not knowing how things may change or worrying about how others will react makes you feel out of control. You decide its best to stick with what is predictable.

  • Growth: Changes always occur with unknowns, and those unknowns are not inherently negative or harmful to your well being.

  • Fear: What if I am judged, shamed, or rejected? This feeling comes from a place of insecurity, leading you to avoid making waves or others uncomfortable. If you are a people pleaser, this fear is heavy and a driving force behind your choices.

  • Growth: I have carefully considered the impact of my choices on others. I do not need permission or the understanding of others to do what is right for me. I am honoring myself by meeting my goals. This decision may make others uncomfortable, and I am okay with that. It is not my job to meet the expectations others have set for me.

  • Fear: What if I fail? If I don't try, I can not fail. There is nothing better on the horizon, anyways. The fear of failure and the fear of scarcity will always leave you in a position of settling for less than you deserve.

  • Growth: I can try, and if it does not work out, I will have learned something valuable. If it works out, I will have accomplished something that will make me proud. The world has so much to offer, and I am prepared to work hard and receive the blessings that come my way.

  • Fear: My intuition must be off, besides ( fill in the blank). You don't want to make a decision based on emotions alone, so you are overly logical and ignore what your gut is telling you. Behind all of your excuses for rationalizing your choice, you have the feeling of " this is not right".

  • Growth: These are the facts about each choice I have, and these are the emotions that accompany these facts. My gut feeling is that choice X is right because it feels right and aligns with the stated facts and my goals.

 When you are trying to make a decision to pay close attention to your inner dialogue, identify where in the process, you are allowing fear to influence your choice. Name the fear and let it go. Make a conscious choice to replace the fear narrative with one that is logical, does not limit you, and feels right. You must be brutally honest with yourself. Doing so may make you feel uncomfortable, and some things are difficult to accept. However, something seemingly magical happens when you choose to do so. You begin to let go of what is not serving you, and you make room for new and better experiences. You make fewer mistakes, and you make positive changes that add to your sense of well being and happiness. You find yourself in a space where you can be strategic and logical while honoring your feelings and needs. You feel more confident and can make space for others to do the same. You retain the power of your own life story, the messy and the beautiful. 


 The opinions in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any mental or physical condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099.

A Right to a Healthy Relationship Starts with Healthy Choices.

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Author: Lynda Benigno

In our life, no area seems more complicated than our relationship with others. Relationships of all kinds require effort. We try to adapt to others faults, moods, and preferences, and hopefully, others do the same. Healthy relationships comprise of mutual respect, empathy, compassion, and a general interest in the well being, growth and happiness of the other person. No matter your relationship to another person; parent to child, spouse to spouse or friendship, you should feel safe, loved, and accepted for who you are. In healthy relationships, disagreements and minor power struggles occur, with both parties willing and able to resolve them with open communication and compromise.

Toxic relationships are harmful to our well being, contributing to stress, anxiety, depression, and medical problems such as heart disease. A relationship that has inequality, selfishness, dominance, control, and destructive behavior patterns make you feel emotionally and mentally drained. You begin to avoid the other person or keep your time with them short. A toxic relationship may also consist of physical violence or substance abuse, and in this case, intervention is required, get help immediately.

It can be challenging to tell if a relationship is toxic because no relationship is perfect all of the time. Answering these questions can help you figure out if a relationship is toxic.

1. Does the other person insist on having things their way with little consideration of your feelings or needs?

2. When you spend time with the other person, do you feel drained instead of energized?

3. Do you trust the other person?

4. Is the other person always angry or hostile?

5. Does the other person always have unfolding drama or problems that they want you to engage in or help fix?

6. Does the other person always judge or criticize you?

7. Does the other person support your emotional and physical well being?

8. Do you change your opinions or needs based on what the other person wants to keep the peace?

9. Do you feel uncomfortable around the other person?

10. Are you unable to grow and learn in the presence of the other person?

11. Does being around the other person bring out the worst in you?

12. Do you find yourself going along with ideas or actions that are contrary to your ethical code of conduct?

13. Does the other person use guilt as a weapon such as appearing to support a decision and then remind you of how the decision inconvenienced them?

14. Does the other person have a short fuse and you avoid doing or saying anything that might set them off?

15. Does the other person insult you and then smile and say its a joke?

We humans have a fundamental need to connect and be close to each other. Having positive relationships is vital for our well being. If you recognize these traits in any of your relationships, you owe it to yourself to address them with the other person. If you are both looking for a way to improve your relationship, therapy can be an excellent first step. If the other party is not interested in discussing and changing the relationship dynamics, then separation from this person may be your only option. Continuing to expose yourself to an unhealthy relationship will cost you your mental and physical health and potentially breed ongoing conflict.

*Important Note: If you are in a relationship where there is physical violence and or substance abuse, only confront the other person if and when it is safe to do so. Seek out professional help from someone who has experience with domestic violence and or substance abuse. Confronting the other person alone may put your safety at risk. National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-787-3224.

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any physical or mental condition. If you are suffering, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099.

Netflix and Chill, because it's self care too. -Stepping Stone Community Services

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Author: Lynda Benigno

The WHO defines self-care as " what people do for themselves to establish and maintain health and prevent and deal with illness". Self-care is finding a balance between daily life demands and your own needs to maintain overall well being. Self - care involves taking into account your psychological; physical, emotional, spiritual, and professional needs. Most days, you wake up with a full battery, as you complete tasks and fulfill obligations throughout the day, your battery slowly drains. By the end of the day, your battery is on empty. Practicing self- care is like plugging yourself into a charger. Engaging in self-care allows you to forge a healthy relationship with yourself as well as others. When you are in tune with your own needs and can meet those needs, you open up space within yourself to serve others without draining your battery.

Often an individual will reach a breaking point before engaging in self-care practices. What self - care looks like varies, each person has their individual needs and what works for one person may not work for another. Self-care can be challenging for individuals who suffer from depression or have experienced trauma; in this case, a therapist can help. Making self-care a part of your daily routine will reduce stress and anxiety levels, increase your self-esteem, and produce positive feelings.

Below you will find the five different categories of self - care and a few examples to help you get started. You can incorporate one or two activities into your daily routine and see what works for you.

Psychological Self-Care:

* Engage in self-reflection.

*Say "no" to activities that do not bring you joy.

*Acknowledge your feelings throughout the day.

*Find a therapist to help you work through painful emotions or trauma and improve coping and communication skills.

Physical Self-Care

*Eat healthy foods.

*Get regular exercise.

*Wear comfortable clothes.

*Get regular check-ups and take all medications as prescribed.

*Get plenty of sleep.

*Get a massage or have a spa day.

Emotional Self-Care

*Recognize and feel your emotions as they are without judgment.

*Compliment yourself once a day.

*Write in a journal.

*Set appropriate boundaries with others especially those who are not supportive or leave you feeling drained or depressed.

*Spend time with people you love.

*Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

*Forgive others for their mistakes ( you will feel much lighter ).

*Watch a funny movie or comedy special on Netflix/ Binge-watch your favorite show.

*Establish a no-contact hour each day. Each day for one hour your phone is turned off, you unplug from social media and the never-ending stream of emails. Use this time for reflection or doing something you love.

Spiritual Self-Care

No matter what religion or spiritual practice you observe, you able to get to know your soul/higher self.

*Meditation alone, with a partner or meditation circle.

*Attend church.

*Spend time with nature, this can be in your backyard with a cup of coffee or at a park.

Professional Self- Care

*Balance workload with breaks.

*Communicate with coworkers in a clear manner.

*Establish healthy boundaries by leaving work at work.

*If something about your workplace is bothering you, bring the subject up with a supervisor. Be specific about the problem and open to solutions.

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any mental or physical condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-6656.

Recognize The Moments That Trigger Impatience.

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Author: Lynda Benigno

We have all heard the saying "Patience is a virtue". We live in a world of instant everything, and so we have come to expect immediate gratification. When we find ourselves in a situation that isn't going according to plan or what we want is not provided right away, we tend to feel a flood of emotions. Impatience increases adrenaline, cortisol, and blood pressure that eventually leads to heart disease. You are also more likely to make rash decisions or damage relationships. On the flip side, fostering patience can lead to improved relations, communication, decision making and less stress that affects the mind and body. Patience is a skill that we can learn and with practice becomes a way of being.

Recognize The Moments That Trigger Impatience

Certain situations may arise throughout your day that trigger impatience. Perhaps you are waiting in a long line at the grocery store while on your lunch break or with your kids. You begin to feel angry or irritated. You want to tell the cashier to hurry up, you are on a time crunch, or the kids are having a meltdown. You can't understand why it's taking so long to check out. Making a list of these moments allows you to become conscious of the scenarios in which impatience occurs, so you are better prepared to use healthy coping strategies.

Understand The Feelings That Occur When Impatience Arises

We want to feel comfortable at all times. When impatience appears, it can feel like intolerable emotional pain. When we understand that uncomfortable is different from intolerable, we can better manage our response. Recognizing the feelings that occur is a response to our lack of control over the situation and is not as big as we make it in our heads helps to lessen the impact of the inconvenience you are experiencing.

Work On The Narrative In Your Head

The thoughts you have and the way you talk to yourself has a significant impact on your response to any given situation. If you are standing in a long line, you might think " I can't stand waiting, I have so much to do" or " Why is this line so slow". Perhaps you begin to think about other times you were in a long line and how you felt at that moment. You start to compare that moment with the present moment and feel your emotions heighten. When this thought process begins to occur, slow yourself down. Take a deep breath and acknowledge the thoughts you just had. Remind yourself that you are disappointed in the situation, and it is making you uncomfortable, but that uncomfortable is tolerable. The situation is temporary and in the grand scheme of things is not that big of a deal.

Practice Active Listening

Active listening requires patience. When we actively listen to another person, they feel heard, and our responses are better thought out. When someone is speaking, we tend to prepare our response while they are still talking instead of soaking in everything being said. You can practice active listening by quieting your thoughts and solely concentrating on what you are hearing. When the other person is finished talking, take a moment to think out your response. The conversation slows down, communication improves, and both people feel understood and heard.

Look At The Big Picture

Problem-solving becomes easier and less stressful if you look at it from different angles. Impatience causes us to make quick and sometimes irrational decisions. When you take the time to slow down, explore all of your options and the different outcomes associated with each, you are more likely to make an educated and rational choice. Even if a decision needs to be made quickly, taking a moment to think of the consequences as opposed to jumping to the first thought in your mind is always a better choice.

Desired Outcome and Looking from Another Perspective

We all have the ability to help or hurt in any given situation. When you become impatient, you may lash out. You may shout at the cashier to hurry up, become pushy, demanding and display outward signs of the anger and irritation you feel inside. Doing so will surely make the situation worse and have no benefit to anyone, not even yourself. If you are stuck in traffic on your way to work; yelling at the person in the car in front of you will not speed up your arrival, and furthermore, you have taken your frustration out on someone who also has very little control over the situation. At that moment you have to decide what the desired outcome is. Do you want to arrive at work quickly or do you want to arrive safely? Would an impatient response make the situation better or worse?

Breathe And Be Gentle With Yourself

When you are patient with yourself, you make room for patience with others. When you feel impatience beginning to arise, take a deep breath in and count to ten, then breathe out slowly counting to ten. Allow yourself the room to breathe between tasks throughout the day and remember that everything does not have to be done right now or in quick succession. In a world of now, slowing down may be just what you need.

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any physical or mental condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-6656.

How To Deal With A Toxic Work Environment When You Really Need The Job.

Author: Lynda Benigno

Approximately one-third of human life is spent working, one-fifth of American workers report working in a hostile or threatening environment. Workplace incivility is defined as the accumulation of thoughtless actions that leave employees feeling disrespected, intentionally ignored, undermined by colleagues or belittled by insensitive managers. A study in 2018 looked at the correlation between incivility in the workplace and symptoms of insomnia; findings suggested workplace incivility led to negative workplace rumination that takes a toll of sleep quality. Poor sleep affects your body's physical and psychological well being. Those that struggle with sleep problems and high-stress levels are also at higher risk of developing diabetes, cardiovascular disease, obesity, difficulty managing anger, and a shortened life span. There is this idea that a bad job is better than no job; however, studies show those who went from unemployment to a poor quality job had higher biological indicators of stress than those who remained unemployed.

Employers set the tone for the work environment, deciding what is valued and tolerated in terms of a code of conduct. There are some red flags to look for when trying to determine whether your workplace is toxic.

* You are overworked leading to burnout and feelings of anger toward your employer.

* You experience workplace dread: Feelings of dread and stress that are present despite being home or engaging in personal time.

* You have a toxic manager: Displays anger or resorts to issuing threats, humiliating employees, intimidation, verbal abuse, or undermining an employees ability to accomplish his or her work.

*Poor communication: There is no communication at all, poor communication between employees and supervisors, withholding information or giving misleading information.

*Policies and Procedures are inconsistent: Company rules are implemented for one group while everyone else does what they please. This includes management not being held to the same ethical and behavioral standard as inferiors or playing favorites.

You may not have much control over your work environment, but you do have control over how you cope. If speaking with management gets you nowhere, practicing psychological detachment will reduce the effects of working in a toxic environment. Psychological detachment involves avoidance of work-related thoughts, actions, and emotions during non-working hours. When coupled with relaxation this practice results in better sleep, less mental exhaustion and better overall health. You are making a conscious choice to shift your focus from work to something that brings you joy, leaving no room for negative work-place rumination.

Along with avoidance of work-related thoughts during non-work hours, you can try the following:

* Exercise

*Plan future events such as vacations

*Meditation

*Listen to music

*Engage in hobbies or volunteer work

- I highly recommend volunteer work, in a toxic work environment you may feel what you are doing is meaningless; helping others can give you a

sense of purpose and feel good boost.

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any physical or mental condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-4099.

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It's Not You, It's Me.

quarrel and fight, stepping Stone foundation Ravenna Ohio

We use the line “It’s not you, it’s me” when it’s time to end a relationship that just doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. We use this line as a way to save the feelings of the other person, but do we really believe it is “me” who needs to change? Not likely. We tend to blame the other person in the relationship without ever really taking a look at the problems we bring to the relationship (to save our own feelings!). Is it no wonder we end up repeating our mistakes in relationships? Do we tend to date the same person (different name and face) over and over again? Only to get frustrated at the time and energy spent on a person that doesn’t meet our needs. Well it is YOU! The good news is you can do something about it. What your probably didn’t know is that we try to “work out” our relationships in our early years by dating adults with the same characteristics. The problem is, they never “work out.” By taking a look at these past relationships with a professional, you can heal once and for all and attract a person that meets your needs and fulfills your idea of a healthy relationship.

The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any mental or physical condition. If you are struggling, please contact your healthcare provider, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Stepping Stone Community Services at 330-577-6656.

#ssravenna #ssfravenna